Summarize the problem
I don't like my touchscreen, and attempts at disabling it via
xinput have proved fruitless.
Provide details and any research
I also tried this method, but even after adding
Option "Ignore" "on" to every single section that had "touchscreen" in the name, the touchscreen still worked.
When appropriate, describe what you’ve tried
As mentioned, neither xinput nor editing the configuration files worked.