Okay, so I know there are a metric ton of "Why doesn't my NVIDIA gfx work on Ubuntu [x.xx]?" here already; in the process of trying to get my own drivers to even install correctly, I've read them all.
Basically, which dark art is required; which secret combination of the foulest ingredients would allow me, a humble Ubuntu 13.10 user, to install the new NVIDIA Drivers (331.38) with the newest Linux Kernel (3.12) on my system. No matter how I do it; through the XOrg Edgers PPA (which mucks up Unity to the point where it won't load), to installing it from the .run file (similar result). Nothing seems to work for me, ever.
I use a laptop with a 740M and Intel 4000 Graphics, but dual chip thing isn't my problem; it's actually getting the driver for one of them to even install correctly. I don't quite understand what I'm doing wrong.