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I have a brand new, fresh install of 12.04 LTS. When I attempt to run a simple apt-get update this is what I get:

Ign http:/us.archive.ubuntu.com precise InRelease
Ign http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security InRelease
Get:1 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security Release.gpg [198 B]
Get:2 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security Release [49.6 kB]
Get:3 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main Sources [83.5 kB]
Get:4 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted Sources [2,494 B]
Get:5 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe Sources [2,371 B]
Get:6 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse Sources [74 B]
100% [6 Sources bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:7 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main amd64 Packages [71 B]
100% [7 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:8 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted amd64 Packages [72 B]
100% [8 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:9 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe amd64 Packages [73 B]
100% [9 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:10 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse amd64 Packages [1,245 B]
100% [10 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:11 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main i386 Packages [369 kB]
100% [11 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:12 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted i386 Packages [4,872 B]
100% [12 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:13 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/universe i386 Packages [97.0 kB]
100% [13 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:14 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse i386 Packages [1,969 B]
100% [14 Packages bzip2 0 B] [Waiting for headers] [Waiting for headers]bzip2: (stdin) is not a bzip2 file.
Get:15 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/main TranslationIndex [389 kB]
Get:16 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/multiverse TranslationIndex [4,863 B]
Get:17 http:/security.ubuntu.com precise-security/restricted TranslationIndex [100 kB]
E: Unable to parse package file /var/lib/apt/lists/partial/security.ubuntu.com_ubuntu_dists_precise-security_restricted_i18n_Index (1)
root@SSC-NAGIOS:/etc/apt#

I have read every thread, tried every result I could find and rebuilt the machine twice already. Can anyone help?

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1 Answer 1

It looks to me like your /etc/apt/sources.list file has poorly formed URIs. Specifically the HTTP URIs have only one slash (/) after the protocol definition (it should be two //).

Your URIs:

http:/us.archive.ubuntu.com [...]
http:/security.ubuntu.com [...]

What it should look like:

http://us.archive.ubuntu.com [...]
http://security.ubuntu.com [...]

Perhaps a poorly formatted search and replace?

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