Here you can see that it is really ugly :
while my theme is:
I am on a fress install of Ubuntu 12.10.
P.s I am contacting with a facebook friend..
I also had the theme issue once. Just change the theme to something different and then change it back to ubuntu and you're fine.
The only way I found to fix this was to actually invoke empathy from the command line with
and change the theme to what you want and then click close.
I cannot figure out why there is no menu displayed in empathy right now it's like they down-graded the display completely -- so frustrating
Hope that helps!