Used Universal USB Installer 188.8.131.52 to make a USB stick with Ubuntu 12.04 alternate i386. Booted it.
On the menu, pressing enter on "Run Ubuntu from this USB" or "Install Ubuntu on a hard disk" does nothing. The automatic boot countdown appears at the bottom, counts down, and nothing again - resets automatic countdown, counts down, repeat indefinitely. No errors, nothing just happens.
"Test memory" starts, but cannot be stopped; ignores keyboard input and keeps running forever.
"Rescue a broken system" fails on the 4th step, loading stuff from the CD.