Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears...
Don't worry, that's all the Shakespeare you're getting from me today. I've seen several nominations around the StackExchange universe and thought at somebody aught to take things a little less seriously.
As a result my nomination is going to be somewhat more colloquial.
Hi everybody. My name is Oli and I'm an AskUbuntu-o-Holic.
I have a good sense of humour, love watching sunsets on the beach and I give great back massages. When I'm not joking around, staring into the fading sun, rubbing backs or working as a freelance web developer, I'm probably on AskUbuntu.
My record here probably speaks for itself but I don't think it would be fair to myself not to just go over the highlights. I have the highest reputation on the site by some margin and that's mostly been attainable through my slightly sickening uptime: I've been on the site for the last 182 days, straight. Even had a look around on Christmas Day.
Other bio garb: I'm 26. I'm a blogger. I love Python and the command line. I have a fervent dislike for the design-driven dumbing-down of user-interfaces that I've witnessed over the past five years. And I have no formal affiliation with Ubuntu or Canonical, I'm a user.
Why I'd be an awesome moderator
For people voting who might not have much moderation experience, you need to realise one simple fact about the job: moderation works best in teams.
It's important to stress that because it really is something that becomes much easier when you can break the workload between several people rotating in and out throughout the day so there's as little "build-up" as possible. I'm a good pick because I'm already here several dozen times a day (I even check it in bed on my phone) and that would help keep the jobs to a minimum.
From what I've seen some of the existing moderators have been great at promoting and helping the AskUbuntu brand by pulling people in but when it comes down to spending time on the site trawling for issues, that's mostly fallen on the shoulders of one guy (and Jorge, The Editmeister).
I'm not slinging mud. Those moderators have done a fantastic job in promoting the site but I feel I would do a better job with the tools that moderators have, improving the site from the inside.
But do I lead by example? Am I patient, diligent, sexy and fair? Am I community-orientated or do I just want to rule the kingdom?
I try to. Yes. Yes. You should see my mankini. Yes. And I love our community.
We could drill into each of these but I think it's clear to anybody who's seen me here that I love AskUbuntu just as much as I love helping people. And on meta I love giving my opinion just as much as I like having it changed by somebody else's perspective.
But most of all, I'm just here to help people.
Over to you
We're not set a formal word limit on these things but I can almost sense through the screen that you're getting bored of reading through this. Just make sure when it comes to the moment, you spend five minutes going over each candidate and vote for somebody.
Now, who's willing to take a bribe?
PS: Geoff Dalgas stole my post's kitten.